You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
