Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
