You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
pray to the hookup gods
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
