I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
