the condom got lost in my hair
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
