WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Dicks are not precious.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
