She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
