do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I skipped work to stalk him.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
