I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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