Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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