And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
