im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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