I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
