I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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