Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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