so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
