I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
