Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
