quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize