Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
