I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
