Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
