Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
