apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
