Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
