I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Randomize
