I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
