She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Enjoy the penises
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
