C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
