there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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