she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
