Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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