They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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