Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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