sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
