I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
