actually, I'm a sock model
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
