Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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