Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
