I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
