We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
