She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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