Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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