Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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