they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
