Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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