oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
