your thong is hanging out like whoa
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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