even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
