Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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