if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
